am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
