Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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