You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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