The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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