You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
