Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
