I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
