Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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