I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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