Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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