Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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