Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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