If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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