So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
