I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
