i need an iv and a liver transplant
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
