I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Be still, my beating vagina.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
