1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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