she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Can you bring me the toilet please
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
