The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
