I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
ok first of all what the fuck
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
