Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
