hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
