worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
