i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
