why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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