There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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