my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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