sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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