Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
