Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
