wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
