Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have fence marks all over my body
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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