You're completely useless in the revolution.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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