kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
