Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
