Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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