I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
