the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
