I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
