I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
