You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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