i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
