Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
