Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
