I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
