Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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