If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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