You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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