arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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