3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
