Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
