My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
