I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
