After last night, I could never be a politician.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
